


Like to be You

by notimmortal



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bi Jeremy, Drabble, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gotta love that good flangst content, Kinda, M/M, Post canon, Songfic, Sort Of, i guess, it's short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 01:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: Jeremy and Michael have been fighting more lately, but they're working it out (just wait and see)Inspired by "Like to be You" by Shawn Mendes





	Like to be You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> So I kind of really love Shawn Mendes and this song just screams Boyf riends imo so now this fic exists. I do include like the entire chorus of the song in there (because it's so good) so you have that to look forward to.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Jeremy and Michael had been arguing much more than usual after the Squip incident.

 

It started out small, teasing mistaken for hostility followed by immediate apologies from both parties. But lately it’s been growing and their new found relationship was taking a hard blow.

 

Jeremy came out as bi shortly after things fizzled out with Christine (not that she wasn’t lovely, she and Jeremy just didn’t have enough in common to sustain more than a close friendship). Michael and Jeremy had been growing closer for some time, and their relationship naturally progressed into more. But now everything was on edge and Michael was so worried about losing his boyfriend.

 

They were stuck in the middle of yet another argument when Michael realized that he didn’t even know what they were arguing over. He wasn’t even mad anymore, he was just worried about the two of them now. “Jere. Jere, we need to stop.”

 

Jeremy, who had been in the middle of a routeless sentence, came to a stop. “Stop what, Michael?” He sounded scared, even to himself, but he was fighting hard not to be. “Stop… Us?”

 

Michael surged forward, grabbing Jeremy’s hands. “No, no, Jeremy, that’s not what I meant at all! I just meant we needed to stop this argument, I don’t even remember why we’re fighting anymore,” Michael sighed, squeezing Jeremy’s hands. “Come on, let’s sit down and try to figure out what went wrong like the rational adults we aren’t.”

 

That made Jeremy laugh a little and he allowed himself to be led over to Michaels bed where he sat down and leaned against the wall. “I… It’s my fault, Micha, and I know it is.”

 

“Hey, hey, none of that. We’re going to be rational about this, taking all the blame before we even discuss anything is pointless.”

 

Jeremy shook his head. “I know it’s my fault because I do it on purpose!” Jeremy was shaking, fist clenched and eyes forced shut. “I start all these fights for no reason!”

 

Michael reached out and grabbed Jeremy’s hand. “Jere. Talk to me.”

 

“I don’t deserve you or your kindness or your fucking anything!” Jeremy all but shouted. “And I know it, too,” he added softly. “That’s why I keep trying to push you away, keep fighting with you. Because you deserve to be with someone better but you won’t leave me unless I force you to because you’re too forgiving, too kind, you won’t abandon anyone unless they give you reason to.”

 

“Jeremy-”

 

“I still hear it, sometimes, Micha,” Jeremy whispered. “It’s like it’s still in my head, telling me that I’m horrible, telling me that you’ll leave and that I deserve to have you leave so I just have to make sure you do it.”

 

Michael said nothing, staring at his boyfriend, his  best friend, in shock. He had thought Jeremy was getting better. Jeremy told him that he didn’t hear the Squip anymore, told him that it wasn’t anything to worry about. Why would he lie to Michael?

 

When he voiced that though, Jeremy scoffed. “You already deal with so much of my bullshit, Micha. I didn’t want to add that, too. Didn’t want to add the pain of what it had already made me do to you to our new relationship. You didn’t, you  don’t , deserve that.”

 

“Jeremy, I’m going to talk now, okay? And you’re going to listen, without interrupting me,” Michael waited until Jeremy nodded to continue. “I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I don’t know what it’s like, but I’m dying to. I know, now, how much you’re hurting, and I’m trying to put myself in your shoes so that I can know what it’s like to be you,” Michael took a breath, squeezing Jeremy’s hands again. “I’m so sorry that we’re still stuck in the middle and I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you, Jeremy. You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, my  everything , and I can’t lose you, okay? Which means you have to talk to me, Jeremy. Tell me what’s inside of your head and know that no matter what I won’t love you less. You don’t have to go through this alone, I am, and always will be, right here with you.”

 

Jeremy was crying and trying very hard not to throw himself at Michael and collapse in his arms. “Michael, I’m so scared. What if… What if it never goes away and it makes me push you away again? You need to leave me before I hurt you again.”

 

Michael pulled Jeremy into a tight hug. “Don’t think like that, Jeremy. There is nothing you could do, barring like, killing me, that would make me leave your side. I stayed before, right?”

 

Jeremy sniffled. “Because my dad convinced you to. I… I just don’t want you to get hurt again because of me. I’m so sorry, Michael. I’m so sorry.”

 

Michael ran his hand down Jeremy’s back, “Shh, it’s okay, Jere. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated but never required. If you enjoyed this, I am always taking prompts on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ireallyneedabetterusername) all my ships are in the description.


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